Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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