She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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