Only a mothe r could love this liver
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
