I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
