I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
