Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
