Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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