Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
