Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
