Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
