stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
