so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
