Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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