We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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