Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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