Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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