i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
