he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
