and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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