Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
