RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
