its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
