it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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