sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
