You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
