We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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