I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
