Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
