I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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