would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
