i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
