I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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