Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He passed out mid-signature
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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