I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
