I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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