I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
