I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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