We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
