Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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