If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
