i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Are we still banned from the library?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
