my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
