Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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