im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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