i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
