9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just pee around me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
