Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
