so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
