I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
that's an acceptable place to lick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
