I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
