i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
